statement number two

there was another statement, well there where a few more 'interactions' with the police, I had to sign a press release..now that angered me! it wasn't news...you will never understand fully how much news impacts the families involved until its your family they are talking about! the release was simple, straight to the point, but it made me laugh when i read what was published on one page as it was already twisted round with bits that I hadnt signed.......the second statement is fast forwarding probably a week or 2, yep probably 2..I was driving back from town, just came over the hill and i saw the policeman in his car..his eyes locked on mine and i just knew he had been to my house...anyway get in the house, 5 mins later that knock on the door, they needed to know what to do with the 'stuff' that was taken from the house....*kick* it really does hit you like a physical pain...well i WAS NOT interested, I said I didnt want to know, but could I have his rings & his chain...I am still not sure why, but I guess its for the kids when they are older, I have a big old wardrobe here that i threw everything of his in, when we where renting a house for a few weeks, i came back here a couple of times by myself to clean up, make the place feel different,take the door down, and just try and stay, I couldnt just 'come back' with all the kids...to this day that wardrobe is still locked, i really wish i could set fire to it, but i know i cant, the kids will want happy memories when they are older, anyway of at a tangent there....his rings, his chain, yep no problem when can we bring them round? ....I said tommorow when the kids where all out, he agreed, but 20mins later the phone rang, they wanted me to go and collect his stuff that day, what a nightmare, I had sophie and half an hour till school pick up time...so i jumped in the car, whizzed down, and then was told i needed to make another statement to allow the police permission to dispose of the stuff I didnt want, to this day I dont know what that stuff was, other than what was visible on the day..so I said they had to be quick lol, I had to pick the kids up from the pantomine that school had taken them to in 10mins, its surreal i am sure i went into some kind of auto pilot mode, just fully focused on the kids and nothing more, formalities are just that...formalities...such a cold word, but hes dead, he made his choice...now everyday when i make a choice to look in the mirror pull my hair back, put my make up on I am choosing to live, and I have to for my babies, I am not allowed to be selfish, when I wobble, which I do quite a lot I am sure auto pilot kicks in again...what do the kids need? his rings are locked in a box, one day I will give them to the kids, I took my wedding ring & engagement ring off....i'm not married anymore. all for now