Saturday 27 April 2013
stuff you
and that is putting it politely!!! ...How dare you do such a stupid selfish thing! how dare you let me find you like that, do you know I can barely sleep now? I see you hanging there looking like an idiot, I see me walking up to you screaming, slapping your face, trying to lift you, you stupid selfish prick, and you know what I keep finding your shit! I found the box hidden upstairs, I found your straps in the bedroom, and you know what I HATE YOU! I am trying so hard, so hard not to smash this house to pieces, how do i keep living here? you tainted it, you turned it black!!! theres someone else who makes me smile, much more than you ever made me smile, but I feel selfish, I feel I was already fucked when you 'took me on' now I am a wreck, trying so hard not to just give up, you had no damn right...absolutely non, non at all! if I could bring you back TRUST ME I would kick you away, tell you to fuck off...why did you beg me to fucking stay all those years ago? you knew me, you knew I have no strength, I cant fight, I cant argue, I just sit & agree....you should have been a man and walked away...well I hope you are happy! you bastard! you total utter bastard!
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Linzi, let it all out. Just shout your shit and anger on here. You need to release it or you will go mad. Keep writing on here to help release the stress and strain and the pain. I'll be honest. I don't know what to say. I'm stummped! I have followed your blog from the beginning and I thought it was all working out for you all going to Scotland. How wrong our perseptions of it all were. Keep venting on here darling. We are not judgemental of you at all. I just want to give you a big, BIG hug my darling.
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Linzi, once again, you are so much stronger than what he left. Your house is now YOUR house, you make it a home for your children, strip it, paint it, change furniture, but It's their security and your personality that Will make it liveable. Don't let him ruin your home, its your right, you've earned it. And you're not a wreck, just a normal Mum of five getting through each day. Change your house like you changed your hair and you will feel better. Stay strong and carry on, you're doing great.
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