day 1....8th december

What a surreal day, I remember sitting drinking coffee with my best friend, the kids sleeping soundly, I was so grateful they could sleep....sitting and thinking 'oh crap what happens now' ....I cant remember if anyone else had arrived by the time i decided the kids needed hot chocolate & a mountain of sweets before I walked down to town, I know it was early but I cant remember, I think i left my friend with all the kids as the centre was in town so i wasn't long, I remember standing in the co-op and crying like an idiot, not knowing what to do, grabbing everything sweet in sight,paying, then running round the corner, the contact centre is on the same street as the police station, two officers where walking down the street, they saw me and asked me to go with them to calm down and just sit, but i didn't i couldn't, i just told them i needed to get back to the kids......at that point I think the social worker was back, and another social worker was sorting the kids to go to the park, the psychologist was telling me they where sorting accommodation for my family as they couldn't stay with me, then i was taken to another building, not quite sure where but a nice woman gave me a pile of towels and took me to a shower, told me to freshen up then i was taken to speak to a councillor, now that was hard, she was one of my friends, we used to work together..so I couldn't really talk to her, we decided on practical things to tackle, so we went to get money from the cash machine in case cards where stopped as they where in his name, then to buy pj's for the kids...practical things, before going back to the contact centre..my friend and social workers with the kids...I just cant describe it at all, I cant ever thank my friend enough, and she will never grasp just what she did for me night one/day one and everyday since...when we got back there was tonnes of shopping, work had done it, the police had delivered it..was such a nice thing to do you know, such a kind thing in a world of chaos...then the social workers saying I needed to give my statement to the police, i remember several times thinking they where going to arrest me for being a bad wife, they where going to arrest me for not getting him down...really crazy thoughts...and the policeman dealing with it all is younger than me, I kept going over and over apologising and saying he shouldn't have had to see that..the poor soul earned his stripes that day! and if there was ever someone in my eyes who deserves a medal its him, he was so kind, so caring & so patient with me...the stupid 29 year old who was obviously a trainwreck...more on the statement later, I cant write anymore right now.....